2024 TOP
1. Joshua Oppenheimer “The End”
2. Joachim Lang "Führer und Verführer(Führer and Demagogue)"
3. Casey Nicholaw "The book of Mormon"
4. Yorgos Lanthimos “Kind of kindness”(Cannes2024)
5. Robert Eggers “Nosferatu”
6. Ali Abbasi "The apprentice"(Cannes2024)
7. Oliver Hirschbiegel “The angelface/Das Engelsgesicht”
8. Brady Corbet “The Brutalist”
9. Sean Baker "Anora"(Cannes2024)
10. Klaus Härö “Ei koskaan yksin”
11. M Night Shyamalan "Trap"
12. Vaclav Marhoul “McCarthy”
13. Ti West “MaXXXine”
14. Joe Talbot “The Governesses”
15. Francis Ford Coppola “Megalopolis”(Cannes2024)
17. Ron Howard "Eden/Origin of species"
18. Benoit Delhomme “Mothers' instinct”(Eestis juba kinos)
19. Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia “Rich Flu”
20. Alonso Ruizpalacios “La Cocina/The kitchen”(Berlin2024)
21. Todd Phillips "Joker: folie a deux"
22. Cooper Raiff "The trashers"
23. Steve McQueen "Blitz"
24. Robert Zemeckis "Here"
25. Jon M. Chu "Wicked: part one"
26. Clint Eastwood “Juror #2"
27. Moonika Siimets “Must auk"
28. Evan Johnson/Galen Johnson/Guy Maddin “Rumours”(Cannes2024)
29. Quentin Dupieux "Le Deuxieme acte/Second act"(Cannes2024avafilm)
30. Melanie Laurent “The nightingale”
31. Erik Poppe "Quislings Siste Dager"
32. Bruno Dumont “L'Empire/The Empire”(Berlin2024)
33. Jon Watts “Wolfs”
34. Timothy Scott Bogart “Verona”
35. Henrik Martin Dahlsbakken “X”
36. Jaak Kilmi "Vari"
37. Frida Kempff "Rootsi torpeedo"
38. Marielle Heller “Nightbitch”
39. Peter Bebjak "Prague spring"
40. T.C. Christensen “Escape from Germany”
41. Jacques Audiard “Emilia Perez”(Cannes2024)
42. Jeremy Saulnier “Rebel ridge”
43. Pealkirjata Trey Edward Shults'i film
44. Tiina Lymi “Stormskerry Maja/Stormskärs Maja”
45. Malcolm Washington “The Piano lesson”
46. Richard LaGravenese “A family affair”
47. Julian Schnabel “In the hand of Dante”
48. Francois Ozon “Quand Vient L’Automne”
49. Jim Jarmusch "Father mother sister brother"
50. Paul Schrader "Oh Canada"(Cannes2024)
51. Joseph Kosinski pealkirjata Formula 1 Film(2025?)
52. Lynne Ramsay "Polaris"(2025?)
53. Zellner brothers "Sasquatch Sunset" (Sundance2024)
54. Luca Guadagnino “Challengers”(Eestis juba kinos)
55. Daniel Minahan “On swift horses”
56. Nia DaCosta “Hedda”
57. Michael Pearce “Echo valley”
58. Pablo Larrain “Maria”
59. Kantemir Balagov “Butterfly jam”(2025?)
60. Scott Derrickson “The gorge”
61. Duke Johnson “The actor”
62. Eli Roth/Tim Miller “Borderlands”
63. Justin Kurzel “The order”
64. Kirill Serebrennikov “Limonov - The ballad"(Cannes2024)
65. Natalie Erika James "Apartment 7A"
66. Suzanna Fogel “Winner” (Sundance2024)
67. Edward Berger "Conclave"
68. David Michod “Wizards!”
69. Kevin Costner “Horizon: An American saga"(Cannes2024)
70. Julia von Heinz "Treasure" (Berliin2024)
71. Greg Berlanti "Fly me to the moon"
72. Alejandro Monteverde “Cabrini”
73. Sara Sugarman/Jonas Åkerlund “Midas Man”
74. Paolo Sorrentino “Parthenope”(Cannes2024)
75. Andrea Arnold’s “Bird”(Cannes2024)
76. Sam Taylor-Johnson "Back to black"(Eestis juba kinos)
77. Gabriela Cowperthwaite "I.S.S."(netis üleval)
78. Mimi Cave "Holland, Michigan"
79. Chao-Liang Huang “Yi dao tian tang/Heaven and hell”
80. Tilman Singer "Cuckoo" (Berliin2024)
81. Michael Showalter "The idea of you"(SXSW2024)
82. Mike Leigh "Hard truths"
83. Michel Fanco "Dreams"
84. Alice Lowe “Timestalker”(SXSW2024)
85. Luca Guadagnino "Queer"
86. Coralie Fargeat "The substance"(Cannes2024)
87. Paul Greengrass "The hood"(2025?)
88. David Cronenberg "The Shrouds"(Cannes2024)
89. James Mangold “A Complete Unknown/Going Electric”
90. D'Innocenzo brothers "Dostoevsky" (Berliin2024)
91. Nora Fingscheidt "The outrun" (Sundance2024)
92. Coen Brothers “The Zebra Striped Hearse”
93. Alex Scharfman "Death of a Unicorn"
94. Ridley Scott "Gladiator 2"
95. Halina Reijn “Babygirl”
96. Magus Von Horn "Pigen med nålen/The girl with the needle"(Cannes2024)
97. Gustav Möller "Sons/Vogter"(Berlin2024)
98. Ishana Shyamalan "The watchers"
99. Payal Kapadia "All we imagine as light"(Cannes2024)
100. Bille August "Me, you"(2025?)
Lee Tamahori "Emperor"
Marko Raat "Biwa järve 8 nägu" (Eestis juba kinos)
Tsai Ming-liang "Abiding Nowhere" (Berliin2024)
Zelda Williams "Lisa Frankenstein" (netis üleval)
Johanna Pyykkö “Ebba”
Marc Noda “The lineman”
Tõnis Pill "Frank"
Johnny Depp "Modi"
David Michaels "The third parent"
Dev Patel “Monkey man” (netis üleval)
Jonathan Kent “A long day's journey into night”
Anna Boden/Ryan Fleck “Freaky tales” (Sundance2024)
Lee Isaac Chung "Twisters"
Caitlin Cronenberg "Humane"
Mel Gibson "Passion of the Christ: Resurrection"
Tim Burton “Beetlejuice 2”
Peter Greenaway "Lucca Mortis"
Jia Zhang-ke “Feng Liu Yi Dai/Caught by the tides”(Cannes2024)
Mark Molloy “Beverly Hills Cop: Axel Foley”
Kenji Kamiyama “The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim”
George Miller “Furiosa”(Cannes2024)
Gareth Evans “Havoc”
Ethan Coen “Drive-Away Dolls” (netis üleval)
Aaron Schimberg “A different man” (Sundance2024)
Osgood Perkins "Longlegs"
Alexandre de La Patelliere/Matthieu Delaporte “The count of Monte Cristo” (Cannes2024)
John Krasinski "If"
Leos Carax “C’est Pas Moi” (Cannes2024)
David Leitch "The Fall Guy" (Eestis juba kinos)
David Ayer "The beekeeper"
Jessica Palud “Maria”(Cannes2024)
Jane Schoenbrun "I saw the TV glow" (Sundance2024)
Fede Alvarez "Alien: Romulus"
Reinaldo Marcus Green "Bob Marley: One love"
Adam Cooper "Sleeping dogs"
Potsy Ponciroli "Greedy people"
Kiyoshi Kurosawa "Serpent's path"
Lucile Hadzihalilovic “La tour de Glace”
Eva Sepping "Rändajad"
Miguel Gomes "Grand Tour"(Cannes2024)
Pixar/Kelsey Mann “Inside Out 2”
Fernando Trueba “Haunted heart”
Gary Dauberman “Salem's lot”
Chris Sanders "The wild robot"
Rachel Morrison "Flint strong"
Audrey Diwan "Emmanuelle"
Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego “American star”
Irving Franco “Adam the first”
John Ridley “Shirley”
Justin Baldoni "It ends with us"
Christophe Honore “Marcello Mio/Summer Boy”(Cannes2024)
Karim Ainouz “Motel Destino”(Cannes2024)
Runar Runarsson "When the Light Breaks"(Cannes2024)
Olivier Assayas "Hors de temps"
Emmanuel Mouret “Une honnête femme”
Arkasha Stevenson "The first omen"
Wes Ball "Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes"
Agathe Riedinger “Diamant Brut”(Cannes2024)
Barry Jenkins "Mufasa: the Lion King"
Tina Mabry "The Supremes at Earl’s All-You-Can-Eat"
Steven Soderbergh "Presence" (Sundance2024)
Kobi Libii "The American Society of Magical Negroes" (Sundance2024)
Max & Sam Eggers "The front room"
Martti Helde "Vara küps"(netis üleval)
S.J. Clarkson "Madame Web"
David Lowery "Mother Mary"
Adrian Molina "Elio"
Liina Triškina-Vanhatalo "Emalõvi"
Klaus Menzel "What about love"
Kay Cannon "My ex-friend's wedding"
Michael Zaiko Hall "Peter five eight"
Jon Gunn "Ordinary angels"
John Stevenson "The ark and the Aardvark"
Paul Dektor "American dreamer"
Arnaud Desplechin “Spectateurs”(Cannes2024)
Andrew Stanton "In the blink of an eye"
Isaiah Saxon “The legend of Ochi”
Na Hong-jin "Hope"
Alain Guiraudie “Misericorde”(Cannes2024)
Patricia Mazuy “Alma et Mina”
Carlos Reygadas "Wake of Umbra"
Dea Kulumbegashvili “Those Who Find Me”
Bi Gan “Resurrection”
Xavier Beauvois “La Vallée des Fous”
Marianne Elliott "The salt path"
Rebecca Lenkiewicz "Hot milk"
Sharon Maguire "Longbourn"
Raul ja Romet Esko "Mind on kaks"
Tim Mielants "Small things like these"
Jane Anderson "Women in the castle"
Joachim Rønning "Young woman and the sea"
Howard J. Ford "DarkGame"
Graham Henman "Bone in the throat"
Derek Presley "Tonic"
Matthias Glasner "Sterben"
Lamberto Bava "Twins"
Ole Christian Madsen "Boundless/Den grænseløse"
André Téchiné "Dans le viseur"
Michael Rozek "Marianne"
Levan Akin “Crossing”
Timo Tjahjanto "The last train to New York"
James Strong "Anna"
Christine Jeffs “A mistake”
Flora Lau “Luz”
Helene Cattet/Bruno Forzani “Darling”
Isabel Sandoval “Tropical gothic”
Jaume Collet-Serra “Carry-on”
Gilles Lellouche “L'Amour Ouf”
Jeremy Clapin "Pendant ce temps sur Terre/Meanwhile on earth" (Berliin2024)
Shawn Levy “Deadpool & Wolverine”
Josh Gordon/Will Speck “Distant”
Juan Carlos Fresnadillo “Damsel” (netis 8.03)
Justin Anderson “Swimming home”
Kazik Radwanski "Matt and Mara"
Kuba Czekaj "Lipstick on the glass"
Lee Daniels “The deliverance”
Zoe Kravitz “Blink twice”
Lee Hong-chi "Love is a gun"
Marco Dutra “Bury your dead/Enterre seus Mortos”
Marco La Via/Hanna Ladoul “Funny birds”
Mareike Engelhardt “Rabia”
Johanna Moder “Motherhood”
Abderrahmane Sissako “The perfumed hill/Black tea”
Robert Guedignan “La Pie Voleuse”
Andrew Patterson “Rivals of Amziah King”
Anthony&Joe Russo "Electric state"
Davis Simanis "Marijas klusums/Maria's Silence" (Berliin2024)
James Watkins "Speak no evil"
Dougal Wilson "Paddington in Peru"
Nicholas Stoller "Cordially invited"
Pamela Adlon "Babes" (SXSW2024)
Gil Kenan "Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire" (netis olemas)
Kyle Mooney "Y2K" (SXSW2024)
Sean Charmatz “Orion and the dark”
Tawfik Alzaidi “Norah”(Cannes2024)
Peter Chan “She's got no name”(Cannes2024)
Arnaud Larrieu, Jean-Marie Larrieu “Le Roman de Jim”(Cannes2024)
Rithy Panh “Rendez-Vous avec Pol Pot”(Cannes2024)
Emmanuel Courcol “The Matching Bang”(Cannes2024)
Nabil Ayouch “Everybody Loves Touda”(Cannes2024)
Roberto Minervini “The Damned”(Cannes2024)
Boris Lojkine “L’histoire de Souleymane”(Cannes2024)
Ariane Labed “September Says”(Cannes2024)
Mo Harawe “The Village Next to Paradise”(Cannes2024)
Guan Hu “Black Dog”(Cannes2024)
Lætitia Dosch “Who Let the Dog Bite?”(Cannes2024)
Louise Courvoisier “Vingt Dieux !”(Cannes2024)
Julien Colonna “Le Royaume”(Cannes2024)
Konstantin Bojanov “The Shameless”(Cannes2024)
Rungano Nyoni “On Becoming a Guinea Fowl”(Cannes2024)
Hiroshi Okuyama “My Sunshine”(Cannes2024)
Sandhya Suri “Santosh”(Cannes2024)
Truong Minh Quy “Viet and Nam”(Cannes2024)
Halfdan Ullmann Tøndel “Armand”(Cannes2024)
Soi Cheang “Twilight of the Warrior Walled In”(Cannes2024)
Seung Wan Ryoo “I, The Executioner”(Cannes2024)
Lorcan Finnegan “The Surfer“(Cannes2024)
Noemie Merlant “The Balconettes“(Cannes2024)
Daniel Auteuil “Le Fil”(Cannes2024)
Raoul Peck “Ernest Cole, Lost and Found”(Cannes2024)
Sergei Loznitsa “The Invasion“(Cannes2024)
Claire Simon “Apprendre”(Cannes2024)
Yolande Zauberman “La Belle de Gaza”(Cannes2024)
Michel Hazanavicius “The most precious of cargoes”anima(Cannes2024)
Mohammad Rasoulof “The seed of the sacred fig”(Cannes2024)
Emanuel Parvu “Three Kilometres to the End of the World”(Cannes2024)
Celine Sallette “Niki”(Cannes2024)
Gints Zilbalodis “Flow”anima(Cannes2024)
Oliver Stone "Lula"dokk(Cannes2024)
Gaël Morel "Vivre, Mourir, Renaitre"(Cannes2024)
Lou Ye "An unfinished film"(Cannes2024)
TOP100 AASTA 2023 FILMID, MIS VAJA VEEL NÄHA:
1. Karim Ainouz “Firebrand” (Cannes2023)
2. Ellen Kuras “Lee” (Toronto2023)
3. Jeff Nichols “The Bikeriders”
4. Richard Linklater “Hit man” (Veneetsia2023)
5. Viggo Mortensen “The dead don't hurt” (Toronto2023)
6. Zar Amir Ebrahimi/Guy Nattiv "Tatami"
7. Bertrand Bonello “La Bete/The beast” (Veneetsia2023)
8. Atom Egoyan "Seven veils" (Toronto2023)
9. Anna Kendrick "Woman of the hour" (Toronto2023)
10. Annie Baker "Janet planet"
11. Felipe Carmona "Prison in the Andes"
12. Christy Hall "Daddio"
13. Sally El Hosaini/James Krishna Floyd "Unicorns"
14. Andrew Durham “Fairyland” (Sundance2023)
15. Michael Winterbottom “Shoshana” (Toronto2023)
16. Azazel Jacobs “His three daughters” (Toronto2023)
17. Delphine Deloget "All to play for/Rien à perdre"
18. Kristin Scott Thomas "North star"
19. Niclas Larsson “Mother couch” (Toronto2023)
20. Florian Schwartz "German Crime story: Deadlock"
21. Joseph Schuman/Austin Stark "Coup!"
22. Ivo van Hove "A little life"
23. Tia Kouvo “Mummola/Family Time”
24. Takeshi Kitano "Kubi"
25. Julio Torres “Problemista”
26. Lone Scherfig “The movie teller/La Contadora de Películas” (Toronto2023)
27. Christopher Walters “Comedy of war: Laughter in Ukraine” (Tribeca2023)
28. Michael Keaton "Knox goes away"
29. James Marsh “Dance first” (San Sebastian2023)
30. Martin Provost “Bonnard, Pierre and Marthe”
31. Noah Pritzker "Ex-husbands"
32. Martin Zandvliet “Tove's room/Toves værelse”
33. Anand Tucker “The critic” (Toronto2023)
34. Michael Shannon "Eric LaRue"
35. Ethan Hawke "Wildcat" (Toronto2023)
36. Jeanne Herry "All Your Faces/Je verrai toujours vos visages"
37. Stephanie Di Giusto "Rosalie"
38. Christoph Hochhäusler “Bis ans Ende der Nacht/Till the end of the night” (Berlin2023)
39. Pawo Choyning Dorji “The monk and the gun” (Telluride2023)
40. Ladj Ly "Les Indesirables"
41. Jan Holoubek "Doppelgänger. Sobowtor"
42. Saverio Costanzo “Finalemente L'Alba”
43. Zhang Yimou "Under the light"
44. John Thornblad “Sockerexperimentet”
45. Hao Ning "The movie emperor"
46. Cristi Puiu “MMXX” (San Sebastian2023)
47. Robert Hloz "Restore point"
48. Wang Bing “Youth”(Cannes2023)
49. James Napier Robertson "Joika"
50. Jonas Rothlaender “Power of love”
51. Luc Besson “DogMan” (Veneetsia2023)
52 Brian Helgeland "Finestkind"
53. Dustin Guy Defa “The Adults” (netis olemas)
54. Sofia Exarchou "Animal"
55. Richard Holm “Avgrunden/The abyss”
56. Greg Kwedar "Sing sing" (Toronto2023)
57. Luna Carmoon "Hoard"
58. Daishi Matsunaga "Egoist"
59. Patricia Arquette "Gonzo girl"
60. Robert Lorenz “In the land of saints and sinners”
61. Rebecca Miller “She came to me” (Berlinale2023)
62. Pascal Plante “Les chambres rouges/Red rooms”
63. Amjaad Al Rasheed "Inshallah a boy"
64. Chelsea Peretti “First time female director” (Tribeca2023)
65. Luke Gilford "National anthem"
66. Maria Lundqvist "Om att våga flyga"
67. Cru Ennis, Lee Roy Kunz "Deliver us"
68. Oskar Mellander "Canceled"
69. Bill Oliver “Our son” (Tribeca2023)
70. Melanie Laurent “Wingwomen/Voleuses” (netis olemas)
71. Sam Fell “Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget”
72. Elise Girard “Sidonie au Japon”
73. Andreas Öhman “En dag kommer allt det här bli ditt”
74. Lee Hae-young "Phantom/Yuryeong"
75. Imran J. Khan "Mustache"
76. Dominic Savage "Close to you"
77. Keat Aun Chong "Snow in midsummer"
78. Lu Zhang "The shadowless tower"
79. William Friedkin “The Caine Mutiny Court Martial”
80. Tim Story “The Blackening” (netis olemas)
81. Lee Tamahori "The convert"
82. Vladimir Peršic "La honte/Lost country"
83. Jean-Stéphane Sauvaire "Asphalt city/Black flies"
84. Dominique Abel/Fiona Gordon “L'Etoile filante/The falling star”
85. Martin Skovbjerg “København findes ikke/Copenhagen does not exist”
86. Jeremy Garelick "Murder mystery 2"
87. Leigh Brooks “Hate to Love: Nickelback” doc (Toronto2023)
88. Karin af Klintberg “Kungen/The king”
89. Hur Jin-ho "A normal family"
90. Xiaogang Gu “Dwelling by the lake/Cao mu ren jian”
91. Simon Sandquist "Karusell"
92. Joao Canijo “Mal Viver/Bad Living”
93. Gabriel Abrantes “Amelia’s Children” (MOTELX2023, PÖFF2023)
94. Frauke Finsterwalder “Sisi & I/Sisi & ich”
95. Chandler Levack “I like movies”
96. Bess Wohl “Baby Ruby”
97. Catherine Corsini “Le retour” (Cannes2023)
98. Kim Jee-woon “Cobweb/The spider house”
99. Kristin Gore/Damian Kulash "Beanie Bubble"
100. Ibrahim Nash'at "Hollywoodgate"
65 FILMI VEELGI VARASEMATEST AASTATEST
About Joan (netis olemas)
Allelujah (netis olemas)
Alma & Oskar
Amazing Maurice
Baltic truth
Before, now & then
Bröllop, begravning och sop (netis olemas)
Butcher's crossing (netis olemas)
Comedy queen (netis olemas)
Daliland (netis olemas)
Dancing queens (netis olemas)
Der Maler/The painter (Hirschbiegleri dokk)
Die Stillen Trabanten/Dark satellites
Diorama (netis olemas)
Don Juan (2022)(netis olemas)
Dreamin' wild
Duran Duran - A Hollywood High
Enys men (netis olemas)
Fathers and mothers/Fædre & Mødre
Fixation
Fragments of the last will
Fucking with nobody (netis olemas)
Human flowers of flesh
Inland
It is in us all (netis olemas)
Koputus/The knocking
Krigsseileren/War sailor (tahaks filmina mitte telesarjana näha)
Kärleksbevis (netis olemas)
La Syndicaliste (netis olemas)
Lady Chatterley's lover (netis olemas)
Les Amandiers/Forever young
Loving Highsmith (netis olemas)
Maigret (netis olemas)
Marlowe (netis olemas)
Moving on (netis olemas)
Nika
Of an age (netis olemas)
One of these days (netis olemas)
Onoda: 10000 nights in the jungle
Out of the darkness 2/De forbandede år 2 (netis olemas)
Piggy (netis olemas)
Rebel (netis olemas)
Resurrection (netis olemas)
Rheingold (netis olemas)
Rosaline (netis olemas)
Sanctuary (netis olemas)
Scarlet/L'Envol
Seriously red (netis olemas)
Showing up (netis olemas)
Skin deep/Aus meiner haut
Substration (netis olemas)
The Integrity of Joseph Chambers (netis olemas)
The Pez outlaw (netis olemas)
The prank
Thomas vs. Thomas (A Sensational Theory Regarding an Insignificant Life in the Multiverse)/Thomas mot Thomas (en sensasjonell teori om det ubetydelige livet i multiverset) (netis olemas)
Ticket to paradise (netis olemas)
Tisdagsklubben (netis olemas)
Trip (netis olemas)
UFO Sverige (netis olemas)
Unrest
Ur spår (netis olemas)
White dog/Chien blanc (netis olemas)
Who wants to live forever?
Will-o'-the Wisp/Fogo-Fatuo (netis olemas)
Vortex (netis olemas)
2 kommentaari:
Ma tõesti ei tea, mis tunne on elada võõral maal võõra rahva hulgas, aga ma pole kunagi suutnud end ette kujutada elamas kodumaast kaugel. Ma võin vaid arvata, milline võib olla see igatsus ja kurbus, olles nii pikalt kodust kaugel.
Pean küll tunnistama, et mingil hetkel, kui oli väga valus aeg ja kõik näis nii tühi ja mõttetu, siis ma oleksin tahtnud põgeneda seitsme maa ja mere taha ja olla siit võimalikult kaugel, aga ma ei tea, kas ma suudaksin elama minna võõra rahva sekka, kus pole ühtki tuttavat hinge, kõik on võõras ja pean hakkama kohanema uute oludega, keelga, kommetega, kultuuriga... Ma tõesti ei kujuta seda ette. Kardan, et ma oleksin juba esimese nädalaga üsna otsas. Olen väga raskesti kohaneja.
Samas - kui oled koos kõige kallimate inimestega ja saad nendega jagada kõike, ka kohanemisraskusi ja muresid, siis ehk ei tundukski miski raske.
Sest kõige kallimad on enda juures ja see on ometi kõige tähtsam.
Kuid ma saan ka Sinu naisest aru, kui raske see on, kui ei saa lapsi aidata nende koolitegemistes, kui ei valda keelt ja koduigatsus hakkab pead tõstma.
Kindlasti on perel raske ja vastumeelne, kui isa on kodust kaugel, seetõttu on täiesti mõistetav, et nad on rahulolematud, kui Sa ise pead jääma välismaale ja nemad on siin. Kuid ehk on neile emotsionaalselt oluline olla oma koduses Eestis, siin toetavad seinadki, nagu öeldakse.:)
Jõudu ja jaksu vastupidamiseks!:)
Aitäh kaasamõtlemise ja kommentaari eest! Kui ma seda lugesin...siis läksid mõtted jälle sellele rajale, et mida ikkagi teha. See kõik on nii raske, et tegelikult igapäevaselt suudadki naeratada ainult sellele teemale mõtlemisest hoidudes.
Võibolla see, Su mõne aja tagune "Hetkes elamise valem" tuleks abiks võtta...aga see ongi küsimuste eest põgenemine, mida ma kohe mitte teha ei taha. Need otsused ja teemad on liiga olulised, et neid mitte lõpuni mõelda. Ja ega need ju kuhugi ei kao.
Aga perest kaugel elamisega saan ma hakkama kindlasti ainult mingi teatud aja ja seda ka läbi suurte piinade.
Kindlasti on see, et kogu pere on ümberringi ja kõik oma raamatud ja asjad on ju siin kodus, see aitab kaasa sellele normaalsele "kodust ära kodus" olemisele. Kuid sellest hoolimata on nii palju hoopis teistes sfäärides mõjuvaid ja mõjutavaid tegureid, mis loovad kõigest hoolimata koduigatsuse. Eesti kultuur (teater, raamatud, keel, mentaliteet) ja muidugi maamaja... neid ei saa siia kaasa võtta, kohe kuidagi mitte.
Ja kui mõnede asjadega ongi sees kõik korras, siis see segadus on nagu tõrvatilgaks meepotis. Mitte ei tea, milline otsus oleks kõige õigem...et hiljem ei kahetseks. Ei mina, et teised pereliikmed.
Aga kes ütles, et elu kerge peab olema? Nagu ma olen elu jooksul aru saanud - iga hea asi vajab tööd ja vaeva. Aga võibolla peaks hoopis leppima sellega mis on? Kompromissidega? Ja leida parim üles selles situatsioonis, milles olen? Inimloomus ainult ei lepi nii lihtsalt...ikka igatseb ja pingutab paremuse poole. Aga kes teab, äkki alataju ise juhatab meid õiges suunas? Ok...see läks nüüd juba liiga filosoofiliseks.
Hetkel ei ole ju midagi erilist viga, mis ma siis jonnin...imestan ise ka kõrvalt vaadates. Tööl on huvitav ja põnev, kodus on soe ja hea ja armastus - see on ju peamine... aga hinges on rahutus, millele ise ei või midagi parata, kui ehk ainult vastuseid otsides.
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